It’s not as bad as all that

The creative cycle

Creative people tend to be risk takers and with risk taking comes anxiety and a fair amount of self-doubt. Do I leap and fall or leap and fly? That’s a question I often face. Especially at 4 a.m.—the time of night when all impossible-to-answer-questions raise their heads.

For me, creative work starts with a persistent urge to make something tangible. The work to express that inner vision is deeply emotional. My inner dialog vacillates from “I am so brilliant!” moments of ecstasy to paralyzing thoughts of “my work sucks!” (Not all of you will experience things to quite that extreme, but I have a sneaking suspicion you may feel a hint of recognition.) This is normal and if you let yourself stay too long in either state you will lose perspective. No reason to defeat yourself—there are plenty of others happy to do that for you.

If you are young or just starting out, you haven’t yet lived the process enough times to recognize the pitfalls or the fact this is a cycle you will revisit many times over the course of your creative life. I have come to understand the euphoria that comes with inspired expression is what propels me. I would never have started my life as a creative professional without it. And yet it is the head-banging self-doubt that continually pushes me to sharpen my vision and hone my skills.

Now when I meet my most grandiose self, I know to keep her at arm’s length. “Yes, this is impressive, but let’s put the applause on mute”. And when my doubting self pays a visit, I convince her to be my friend rather than let her tell me “just give up, you’re not good enough”. After all, sometimes her criticism is actually on the mark.

So, the point of all this is simply to say that a creative profession is a very worthwhile and rewarding endeavor. You pursue your vision no matter how lonely it gets. You become familiar with your process and the signposts along the way. That’s how you recognize when it’s time to pause and think things over and when it’s time to move full-speed ahead. Skills and vision have to be in balance or one of them will get in your way. Familiarity will temper your dark moments of self-doubt and your moments of brilliance will no longer blind you. You will come to trust the process. This is when magic happens.

And then there is Play. It doesn’t end with childhood. It stays with us as we go through life. Play is storytelling, picture making, physical movement, competition, invention, and make believe. Play is when you close the recipe book and use your senses to navigate life. It is the essence of creativity and a source of joy. Play is what makes us all little gods in our own right.

So, the next time you lay awake at 4 a.m., worrying you will never succeed, take comfort. Success is doing the work, and doing the work, and doing the work.